Everything seems to go right for a stretch and then at the drop of a hat, just turns to s**t. I suppose that is the nature of bipolarism, eh? The problem is that when things are good, i don't remember the bad. Then inevitably the awfulness returns and I'm just as ill-prepared for it as I was the last time. I let my guard down, convincing myself that I've finally broken free of the depression that descended upon me as a plague would, triggered by a bad day at work. I get so tired of fighting myself, there are days when I'm ready to hang it up, honestly. I'm tired, I'm lonely, and there's still not a chance in hell I'm going back on meds. My mind is racing, I don't feel right. I just don't know what to do at this point and I am sick to death of the psychiatric establishment. PHDs keep your distance please, I've got more life experience backing up than you have coming forward.