I used "philosophy" to survive my first encounter with mental illness when I was 12. It can be very comforting to separate yourself and your pain from what really is happening on a grander scale.

But I partially blame that need to understand things bigger than me (purpose, life, time...) as part of the reason why I am so miserable right now. I feel that I've found proof that emptiness/nothingness is at the core of everything. Even things that usually serve as my raft through the choppy waters of my mind-the goodness of God, the superiority of good in the good vs. evil fight, the unity of humanity-seem cruelly unreal.

Thanks still for replying.