it definately seems the relationship is at a point that you have to decide if you want to spend the rest of your marriage in this fashion or make changes. In looking at change you and your husband are faced with two choices a)make changes or b)terminate the relationship. You have to be prepared for both in confronting your husband if you want change.

In presenting change it would be similar to enforcing either/or consequences with a child. Either you start getting up two hours earlier to spend time with the children, start helping out around the house by taking the trash out and cleaning up after yourself, attend two counseling session per month with me and spend at least half of your days off with the family or I am leaving (or whatever consequence you see fit).

you need to be specific about the behavior change you want to see from him and you need to be willing to follow thru on whatever consequence you choose. it would be helpful to write it down so it is very clear and cant be challenged at a later date.

think about it. think about what you really want from him and for your life.