Secretum, I didn't find this post too disorganized to read. My posts are pretty much all disorganized and that's ok with me. That is how my brain thinks. No use in me trying to force it to do otherwise.

Alot if times, actually more often than not, when I slowly come out of an episode or phase I feel very numb with no purpose for a long time. I usually have to go through a long process of reinventing myself, and finding new purpose to my life. This ia a really tiring process to me and uncomfotable. It seems with every episode I am left with a very changed person. I'm not saying this is the same as you, just that I kinda understand what you are saying. Right now I am in the process again as nothing intrests me or brings me joy. Nothing I used to enjoy is appealing anymore. I found bikram yoga and right now that's all I've come up with. So I have been doing it as much as I can, hoping that it will create a snowball effect.

With all my above gibberish I am saying, I hear you. Such an uncomfotable place to be. I believe you can get through this maze. You might have to look at new views on life or even just find youself one thing that brings you joy. It's not uncommon to hit walls in mazes but eventually you remember what walls you hit and choose a new route.

I hope that wasn't to hard to make sense of I believe you are a strong person, someone to be admired, I just get that vibe off you. I hope you can find a passage way soon.