Hi annajane, welcome to Psych Central!

What you're describing sounds just like an abusive relationship -- especially this part:
If your husband were just displaying random ill temper you'd probably want to maintain a safe distance from him until you could get him to seek treatment. If he can get you to feel like it's all your fault, you're more likely to stay around and put up with him.

Thank you for mentioning this. Please stay safe and keep posting. Here are some articles you might find helpful:

• 5 Ways To Escape An Abusive Relationship, from the World of Psychology blog at Psych Central

• Controlling & Abusive Relationships, from the Sexual Violence Advisory Board at Stanford University

• Warning Signs of Abuse, from the Center For Relationship Abuse Awareness