I wish I could think of something that might be helpful, gulas. You sound all worn out, shut down, closed up; if you had a "gone fishing" sign up, that would be good, but it feels more like a "go away" sign.

Melissa's right about the therapy world--psychologists & a bunch of different kinds of counselors involved, all sorts of people with different personalities. Maybe you could give that a try.

You've had some pretty good insights in the forums for other people. Maybe you'd be able to look at your own situation with a little more perspective in therapy. Might work for you.

Don't want to lose you so really hope you'll hang on.
Roadrunner