I agree with amandalouise that "its very common for those that have been sexually abused to act out what has happened to them with other people. part of having PTSD. its also common for "some" not all, victims becoming abusers them selves."
You are not a monster. You experienced trauma when you were very young - you were raped, and damage was done. I urge you to find a therapist and start working on this. You CAN stop these feelings you have, you CAN work through the guilt and shame you feel, and you CAN HEAL. You are heading in the right direction by posting here. You know there is a problem, and there are people (therapists) who can help. You have the motivation, now it's time to act. Please do. Hugs