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There are about 4 abusers from my past that I can't seem to get past. This is one which is why it's my second letter to him... Ugh...
Dear abuser;
My words will never stop. I am afraid that as long as I live, I may always have this strong desire to tell you the things I've only pretended to write to you. I need closure. I need to know that you have paid for what you have done. I need to know that you feel sorry for what you have done. I need to know that your life was just as terrible as mine because of your actions. I need to know that I was not the only person who had to suffer at the hands of you, I need to know that the pain that was given to me from you has somehow found its way back to you. I hate this feeling. I hate the feeling of payback, I hate that you take this from me. That you continue to take from me years later. I hate that no matter what, you will never apologize for the wrong you did to me. I even more so hate the fact that my mother somehow found a way to forgive you for what you had done to me. I hate that you ruined it. The small chance at happiness we could have had and you took it. You are nothing. If I had been my mom, I would have kicked you to the curb the moment I laid eyes on your disgusting face.
I hate that despite being brutally honest with my mom over the things that you did to me, that she somehow has found a way to miss you. I hate that years later you are still effecting me. I hate that I can not hate you. I wish I could.
You do not deserve this. You do not deserve anything. You do not deserve the air that you breathe. I will overcome this and I will overpower you and I will be stronger, smarter, but most of all I will be more caring. And you will be nothing. You already are nothing.
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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