Thank you for the replies! I wish I did not feel so confused with all of this. My marriage is ending with a person who I loved more then anyone(besides my kids) before. I know I have my own issues and have been in therapy to help with a previous physical/emotionally abusive marriage....I trusted him and his words and none of it help true. I feel betrayed and at the same time I want to help him. I can only imagine the struggle he has inside his head. One minute he is sorry and the next he's hateful. When he "threw" me out of the house it was physical and it scared me....my thought was..."Oh No...here we go again." That was the only time he got physical and that was enough for me....I left....stayed with a friend and just got my own place. For 7 weeks now....since that night...I have been on overdrive making sure my kids were ok and found a job( I was a stay at home mom) started working right away...and in making sure that everyone around me...including friends...were ok....I forgot about me. Sometimes my own feelings overwhelm me so much that have to swallow so hard to keep them down...silly moments will come up that cause that lump in my throat and I just want to cry...because I had dreams of my life with him that will never come true. I know that I ca't protect him....but I want to...protect him from himself....he is drinking so much that last night he told me that he would probably drink himself to death and that would be ok...he knew that his 2 boys would be taken care of. I think it's game...but what if he is serious? I feel responsible...I have always felt responsible my entire life for everyone"s troubles....that I was the cause....called my old counselor today for an appt....she was not shocked that this has happened...again...in my life. I feel so guarded now against people I know. I'm not sure that I will ever trust anyone again. For everything I have gone through with this man....I still love him....and that makes me angry at me.