Just the othe day, I was being told how great it was that I have made so much progress with dealing with my depression, that things really seemed to be looking up. Then I felt bad again, which made me really angry and disappointed with myself, but I tried to deal with it. Then I suddenly got so behind on my coursework that I've got so stressed out, so I felt like everything was piling up on top of me, I started arguing with my family a lot, cancelling appointments, distancing myself from friends, being rubbish at work.
Then just when you think it can't get any worse,.. BAM!
I get told that my grandad has cancer.
They tell me he'll be fine, but i know with cancer its serious --how can they just say it's all going to be fine!? It's triggered my depression which was already creeping back anyway to totally crash down all around me I can barely cope I feel so trapped. But most of all I just feel so so guilty for being absorbed by my depression, I feel like it's self centred and selfish of me. I should be thinking about my grandad. He's such an amazing person it's so unfair. He's always the light of the room hes hilarious and one of those people everybody just can't help but love. I'm so scared of losing him he is such a massive part of my life! Is it selfish of me to be thinking about my depression? Is it right that I feel so so guilty because I have been into hospital for attempted Sui etc, then he'll be fighting for his life and he was there for me and now I need to be here for him, I can believe I am so selfish to consider it!! ~jess