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ChristineEsq · Nov 07, 2011, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wysteria

Thanks Christine and Hankster,

At least I don't feel quite so stupid and female right now. I really thought I had done everything that I was supposed to do. So, maybe T can help me fix this and will know what to do next. I looked at your link and was amazed at some of the articles Christine...thank you for sharing that. I'm really new to all of this and just learning. It's been a hard dx to accept fully and I'm still full of shame.

I'm so very sorry that you had to go through that experience and so very grateful that you both came out of it intact, although I'm sure there are hidden wounds that will take a lot of time to heal. That must have taken some quick thinking and major guts on your part to get out. You must be some kind of lady. Hankster, as always...your words always hit home with me. You seem to know me too well. There does seem to be some need for control/power something in the DBT T's I have met so far...can't quite explain it...just something niggling in the back of my neck...

I think I'm what they call a 'quiet borderline', and they may all be used to dealing with angry borderlines or something...so when I don't get angry or upset and blame myself instead..they lose it instead of me...and then I react strongly to their frustration and anger with me...I get scared..react..and then they get more frustrated and start shaming me, which I really react to...and then it all goes to hell. It's like they are only taught how to react to angry outbursts or negativity..and how to control people. I don't know..I'm probably projecting or generalizing or judgmentalizing or whatever its called. Just scares the crud out of me.

Take care you two and grateful hugs to both..

Wysteria Blue

Thank you for the kind words, Wysteria - especially for the comments about the posts on my site. It did take a bit of courage to write about the experience so openly, but without anyone else to really confide in about it, I probably would've just imploded otherwise. The borderline perspective on bad therapy is seriously underrepresented anyway and, from what I can tell, is somewhat shame-based (which is probably why you only ever find post-recovery accounts of the experience).

Speaking of shame though: I really wish you weren't feeling this way about your diagnosis. I know that it's easy to read about the stigma and clichés associated with BPD and suddenly feel like some sort of social pariah because of it, but keep in mind that there are many subtypes of BPD; in fact, recent studies have virtually stripped the nasty stigma of its reliability/credibility. Furthermore, the disorder is not your creation - you are paying for someone else's mistakes, my dear. The "shame" belongs to that person (or persons) and that's where it should stay.

Given that the diagnosis is relatively new to you, however, I was wondering if it might help to have a comprehensive BPD inventory that may give you some insight as to where you fall on the BPD continuum (if at all) and which characteristics best describe your psychic (and/or interpersonal) struggles. I have an excellent one if you'd like me to send it to you.

Also, since you see yourself as a "quiet, as-if" borderline, I thought I'd include a link to a brief, but informative, review of Cohen & Sherwood's book on the subject: http://dysfunctionalpsychotherapy.co...Revisited2.pdf

If nothing else, I hope you're feeling better today and have found some peace in your decision to discontinue work with your DBT T.