Thanks. It is a compulsion, not si...I cut and burned for a very long time and it eased up as I got older. Still I find subtle ways to sabatoge...I posted in this forum because I spend a lot of time here hoping I can offer encouragement and hope to those who still suffer because si feels like a horrible and shameful illness and we feel so trapped in that viscious cycle. I did, anyway. Still...compulsion is a good word for it but I wish I could just knock it off and leave myself be. It is ALWAYS something. I was truly a poster child for borderline personality in the late seventies and early eighties when nobody knew what the h... my problem was. That calmed down also as I grew older, but still I can identify thoughts and behaviors but can now recognize them for what they are and try to correct my thinking. I stay out of the bpd forum because the pain people are in is so intense and I have nothing to offer ... it takes a very special therapist to heal such a such trauma. So I am rambling...I am convinced that bpd and si are tightly linked...maybe not in all ways, but definitely some. Thanks for your responses and for reading this.