it really doesnt sound as if lithium has worked well to stabilize her. the thing with cycles is not necessarily whether they follow a pattern but there usually is a theme. manic behavior typically is acted out in the same way as well as depressive behaviors, like self harm. knowing how she is going to behave while she is cycling will allow you to feel more prepared than you currently feel, which comes across as helpless in your post. if you know she self harms when she is depressed, you can rid the home of her favored self harm instruments when she is depressed. if you know she likes to spend while manic, you can take away the credit cards during those periods. Ohlala paints a pretty accurate picture of of what it can be like living with some bipolars. i like to spend, had some gamblings issues, but always payed my bills first thank god, self harm, dying my hair, driving fast, suicidal depressions, drinking, and impulsive long emails that scared the hell out of people. i overwhelmed others. your fiance pushes you away. she says you wont understand. you will find that a theme in a lot of threads here. it is really hard to understand what goes on in our minds. until you live it, its really hard to get it. and i dont know that there is a way to explain it.

the question is, that you have to think hard about, is can you live feeling that powerless, not being let in, not understanding what shes going through, wanting to help that bad, and not being able to?