Hiya On2,

I wanted to say thank you for having the courage to post this. I think it speaks to your willingness to acknowledge what is going on and your desire to recover. When i was in the hospital 24 days in June it took me 21 or so days to find a reason to live. That reason ended up being, in part, my desire to do and be better. It wasn't that I was or did better, it was just knowing that I had the desire within me.

Having said all that, I can completely relate to what you are talking about. I too am struggling with grief, that I haven't accomplished what my peers have been able to accomplish, that I haven't been able to accept myself for who I am and instead berate and belittle myself, that I haven't even been able to muster the strength to get out of bed to make doctors appointments that will ease my pain. I could go on, but just that much is enough.

You are not alone. The way you respond to the world is not your fault. What is your choice is how you respond from here on out. Now you have confronted one of your demons, know that it has lost all the power that it had. Keep fighting it and watch as it shrinks in timidity over your new found power.

Please know that I am here as always should you need somebody to talk to. I have my own stuff going on but listening to and helping others helps me get out of my own head and it's a privilege to called upon as a friend.

Love and Hugs,
Tara