((((((((Onward2wards))))))))

You have made a list of what you feel you have not yet accomplished,
How about putting Whys in front of those statements? I understand that you are grieving what you feel you have not achieved, but maybe if you now make those questions and do the chair with the answers you honestly feel, being honest and try to find answers that are not self bashing but maybe things you never got from how your grew up or maybe different things that might have prevented you from learning how to achieve these qualities you feel you didn't accomplish somehow.

I think the list is a beginning of recognition of what might be missing an honest expression of loss or something not yet learned.

We all go through life overlooking certain things and at some point we stop and hopefully can be honest like this and as we are honest, we must conclude, there was clearly something we didn't learn how to do. It doesn't mean we failed others or ourselves, that list is a desire for enlightenment, that is a beginning, without that there is no way to even begin to cut a new path.

Take the list slowly and see if you can learn to cut a new path.

Open Eyes