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I hope this is right? That I am supposed to just start a new thread each time I want to post. I have only made one post prior to this one and am trying to figure out this site. There are so many links to get lost in, but I have to make at least 5 posts in order to interact.
I have read a few of the posts from others and can quickly see that I am not the only one living in confusion, especially regarding relationships. I have hurt each woman I have ever loved, but not without paying the consequences for my actions. Currently, I am separated from my 4th wife who divorced me and re-married me, only to be separated in less than a year and well on our way to divorce again. I love this woman like no other before her and am miserable without her. Unfortunately, it appears we are toxic to each other and our baggage is just not a matched set. We both love each other but simply are unwilling to make it work. My mood remains angry, mostly at myself, because this is the consequence I alluded to earlier. I am alone again leaving pain and misery in my wake and that only makes me hate myself even more.
I am hoping that with recently finding out about having BPD, I will learn how to control the impulsivity, and rage over the stupidest stuff will be more subdued in the future.
Fit1
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