First of, BREATH!! it's the best thing you can do for yourself. And your not alone. We are here for you. I totally and completely understand the taking away, making the thoughts worse. It did for me once too. And then I realized that I was making things worse. I wanted things that I never really wanted to know or to think. Yes SI is a means for coping. And yes the hospital is a good place when you've hit rock bottom. Which is what it seems like for you.

The question is what do you really want? Life is harder when you don't know what you want.

Keep Posting, and letting at least me know how you are doing, and weather you are at home or hospital.