In the Special Programs program? It wasn't so much what they taught as much as what they allowed me to do. I also have extremely severe social anxiety. I rarely leave my house. I had always sat at the back of the classrooms. At the back AND in the very corner (if I could). I would have numerous panic attacks at school. Almost everyday. I started skipping my senior year because they panic attacks were so bad. I couldn't walk down the halls, talk to teachers, I had only one friend because of it. Which I had met when I entered middle school. Most everyone, even teachers, thought I was mute/had selective mutism. I was scared to talk, yes, but also being in the presence of others just killed me (still does).

BUT, like I was going to say. They allowed me to stay in one room and the teachers had aides that brought down my work and others students who might have been in the program. I was extremely more efficient, happier, and so much less nervous. I was allowed to work at my own pace like that. Got all my work from all classes in the morning, stayed in one room and did it by the end of the day. I worked better by NOT being instructed and had better quality work. People close to me do not get it. Instruction is good, yes, but over-instruction is brainkill for me. Also, got extended lesson time, and was allowed to do my tests alone or at a scheduled time alone. There were other things/perks/whatever. I also finally had a place to eat lunch . There were 4 or 5 other students in there, but I felt so at ease, because they all had emotional difficulties, too, so I had people to relate to.

Although, in the long run, it did not help a thing. All those A's for the last semester of my senior year still only barely passed me and I was still at the bottom 1%. If I hadnt been in there, I wouldve still been in high school an extra year. It was all by accident, too. A regular teacher aide, not the regular teacher, but a regular aide, told the program director that I might need to be in it, because I was skipping class a lot, and I had heavy (like severe) panic attacks in class. I was going to deny them putting me there, because I thought special education was for mentally hadicapped people who couldn't talk, or feed themselves. I had no idea.

I was put in a math class two grade levels below me though, which did not prepare me for college and failing multiple math classes in college flunked me.

After I flunked college, I was convinced I was dumb and useless to society. I had my whole heart set on going to a university for a degree in film, and I even changed it multiple times. I love school so much the last time I checked on my status I told them I will do anything, I will take any class if they just let me come back in. They did not.

I was in college for 3 years as a freshman. I only earned 3 hours. The three 3 years I had multiple panic attacks, and had more psychotic episodes, in school, too, not just outside of school . The stress wasnt from the work but my wanting to do something so bad and trying, yet knowing, I was going to be kicked out soon (all this on my 3rd year). By now, I think I just kept working for closure within myself and not for school by the 3rd year.

Eventually, I attempted suicide from this depression of failure and the psychosis, but obviously, I did not make it. I never went to the hospital though, I woke up in my vomit, and...well...I still do not see my life as much of anything anymore.