I can't remember my childhood. I can only go by what some people told me about it. Not my familly, them, they don't say a word about it, everything is hidden in their book. But some people I went to school with told me this and that. It seems that my teachers and my mother,also my oldest sister has always pushed me since grade one to perfom on stage. My school mates told me I didn't had any choice and I was always on competition for any kinds of things and a lot of the other students were jealous of me because I was often the one who was chosen to do this. Also when I was on that stage, mistakes were not permited. Everything had to be perfect.

I don't remember that part of my life either. I have a couple of pictures of me on stage and some ribbons and trophee with my name on it and the date. To me it seem that all this doesn't belong to me.

Sometime I wonder if this is why I am so demanding of myself. I have a hard time accepting my failures and my mistakes. And when this happens I am ashame of myself and I treat myself very badly.

But since I became an adult I would never never get up on a stage or talk in front of people. I wouldn't do it to save my life. I also hate so much competition.

Anyway, I am just wondering.