Hey, PBJ. You've come to the right place. There are so many people here who've been where you are now and who can help you out of where you are to a better place that feels much, much better. All you have to do is keep posting here. Posting in every relevant forum, like the depression forum, for instance. You do have to try and work to be heard and responded to. You have to post first. Nobody will know what to do unless you post first.

It sounds like you are in a terribly painful place right now. Many of us deal with that by (1) finding a T; (2) finding a pdoc to prescribe meds for us; and (3) searching for other, self-help methods from among the tens of thousands of people here who have problems similar to yours. You can do all of this. It's realistic. Huge numbers of people suffering from your problems have done this before.

You do need to keep reaching out, though, as you've done by posting here. Posting in all forums that could possibly be relevant. Ultimately, you'll find a whole bunch of people who appreciate who you are, what you're suffering from and what you can do. Just keep on posting! Take care.