I was briefly a self harmer, for a few weeks about a year ago, until I badly sliced myself more than I meant to and I stopped, no one knows I did this because I told the doctor it was an accident when I was cooking while using the knife.
Lately since I started to play sports again I have sometimes provoked other players into tackling me harder, I do it when I get the same bad feelings I used to have a year ago.
I'm afraid this could go wrong because I could lose a friend over it, or badly get hurt and put an end to my sport playing. But I don't know how to stop.