Quote:
Originally Posted by eastcoaster
This is so it for me, too. The more I share feelings that I think are "embarrassing" (whatever they are), the more I realize that my feelings are OK (whatever they are). I come from a family where my feelings were never validated, so I became ashamed of everything. Now by sharing things that are "embarrassing" with my therpaist and seeing her nonjudgmental response, I'm able to do this more with others in my life. And by "embarrassing," sometimes these are hardly things that are such, they just feel bigger when they're inside of me.
About the missing part, my therapist went on vacation about 6 weeks ago. I missed her a lot. I told her so and I (the child) was hurt when she didn't say "me, too" and I thought that I shouldn't have told her. Then we talked about it and she said that she was away and on vacation having fun and she didn't even miss her mom (she takes care of her). She said it was natural for me to miss her; she's a regular part of my life and a source of support and comfort. She also said that one week when I cancelled our appt she did miss me at that time as it felt odd not seeing me. Of course I'm sure that her missing me were different feelings than I have. I've really found that any feelings that I'm having, particularly those about which I'm uneasy, it's best to share with her--I'm scared before I do, but then it feels good once I have.
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For me, a lot of this challenge is about discernment. I have, in the past, been a very closed person, playing everything fairly close to the vest. I was in an occupation that made doing so vital. Now, things are different, and I feel that I can be more open...but it's very important for me to do this with discernment.
So I need to be wise about how much I share, when, and with whom? (Is whom correct here...I never know and it sounds rather forced). I think that when I feel safe saying things like "I missed you," in therapy, it's because I've let a relationship develop and I'm honoring my own comfort level to say this. I went through a few years where I was more of a "blurter" and even in therapy, I think that feelings unfold in their own time, at their own pace, and open as they are ready, something like a flower. When I've rushed things in the past, it's generally backfired as badly as when I've been overly restricted and closed. I find that I still beat myself up about being too closed in therapy, but things have a way of happening when they're ready. And my resistance just re-doubles its efforts when I try to muscle through it! At least that's my sense of things...for now. Just some thoughts.