I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I had some really hard times during the teen years myself. I am similar to you as that most of my problem is depression. I would say my issues started when I was 12 or 13 and progressively got worse. I took a bottle of acne pills when I was 12. (I had horrible acne!) I threw them up within a few hours and my parents just thought I sick. I tried again when I was 15 and took a bottle of Nyquil capsules. The internet didn't exist then so I didn't know what I was doing, just that I wanted out of life. I was able to hide most of my depressions from those around me so no one really knew how bad I was until college time rolled around. I always had excellent grades, so I could have gotten into any school. I kept changing my mind, enrolled at last minute. Dropped out of Biology, enrolled in Education at a difference school, then dropped out of that. I turned into a complete basket case so my parents made me go to therapy but I convinced them I was fine. I got my own apartment at 19 so it was easy to hide from everyone. I am 32 now and I have gone through so many phases of depression, up and down. I've had 2 children in the meantime. I never had real treatment until this year. I was fortunate enough to go back to school for ultrasound when I was 27 which has turned out to be a successful career.

I suffered all those years, no one recognized I was bipolar until I met my boyfriend. He's a physician assistant and he encouraged me to get proper treatment. My Prime care doc put me on Cymbalta and I went completely manic. All they did was switch me to lexapro. I had a mixed episode after drinking alcohol, I totally lost control and I was ready to jump out of the car, I hit my bf in the face twice and I was punching windows. So all those years finally led me to proper treatment.

So what I am trying to get at... is that you've had treatment and your stable at 19. That is a great thing!!!! You should be looking forward to a grand life! School can be scary. If your not sure what you want to pursue, maybe put school off for awhile and just get a job. Give yourself time to be 19 and enjoy life. With age, you will start to mature and you will get better at managing the challenges and stresses of life. Maybe take some part time gen ed credits that are transferable. Try out a community college first and save money (in case you feel you need to drop the class because you can't keep up) You will make it, you just need to want a better life for yourself. Don't waste time thinking about all the reasons you think you can't do something. Your intelligence is still there. I think that comes along with being bipolar. We have overactive minds. You can do great things, I promise.