Sometimes these feelings come from a childhood where one or both parents denied reality and dealt with reality in contradictory ways. For example, an alcoholic parent whose behavior would be up one minute and down the next, loving one minute, abusive the next. Or a parent who changed reality or rationalized about reality, resulting in situations that made no sense to the child. This puts the child on unsure footing, and causes them to be afraid in their interactions with others. So they stand back, hold back, they feel safer in the role of observer rather than participator. They wait to see what other people will do first, so they can feel safe in their responses.

People who are raised in families where emotions were consistent, feel safe taking risks and initiating interactions with others. Sometimes we need to look at the source of our learned behavior in order to change it. A "Family of Origin" profile, where you write down all your relatives and what you learned from each one, might give you a clue as to how you arrived at this way of dealing with life.

Choices, it's all about choices.