I used to do this stuff all the time until after I was married and I am bipolar. I was considered a total nut job. Don't know why I sent all the emails, made all the phone calls. Obsessed, stalked-very embarrassing.
You are not alone.
I did meet a man I could trust, and didn't do all that stuff with him-well not as much, and he could handle it.
Now I am happily married, so don't give up.