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But I am just so tired. I am sick of how I cannot handle stress as well as I should (but what do I know how my classmate handle stress. I fake pretty well in the public).
I really wish I could be this chill and calm person who can be spontageous... that's who others view me. I am not sure who I am lately...
And I am just in this mood-swingy emo mode lately. It does not help that most of the school work I do is somehow frightfully depressive. It puts me in the guilttrip mode... feeling that I am getting my degree on other's misfortune. And yeah, I do have a morbid interest in political affairs. But usually I don't cry over academic texts and news articles like I do lately.
And I feel so scared of the future, because what if I never matter, what if I waste my life stuck in some mundane job and never get to do the things I wanted to do (human rights work or post-conflict assistance...)... and then again, why bother? It is not like any of this can make difference. Many people today have mundane jobs that create a little value and they seem to be happy in them. Maybe it is just my unrealistic expectations.
I just don't know... I have no drive right now (yet, I done all what I needed to get done... while wondering whom am I doing it for). Not looking forward the next day or the day after. Not liking my current situation. I have the game face on, but nowhere to go.
Worry not, I will live. But I wonder... what for?
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Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE
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