Thank you both for your replies, they mean a lot to me.

I know that, at my current age, I have a lot of years ahead of me. Sometimes I feel like I'm much older, simply because these last 3 years have felt so much longer! But, if I look at it from a realistic point of view, I have a lot of life to live. Hopefully most of it will be positive.

After posting this yesterday, I called my sister and talked with her about how I was feeling. Then I called my dad and we had a really good talk. He can relate because he has major depression and is on disability as well. But, like both of you told me, he said that my intelligence is definitely still there. He really believes in me, which means so much.

After talking to my dad and sister, I did a workout DVD and it felt REALLY GOOD to let out some of my frustration physically.

The fact that I coped with my negative feelings by doing positive things...shows how far I've come. In the past, it would have been self-injury and suicidal thinking.

I am still depressed today, but not as hopeless as yesterday. Taking things one day at a time. Thanks again.