Yep, that would be me. *sigh*

I've had Type 2 diabetes for a number of years. It's been getting worse over the past 2 years for a number of different reasons. Some of it, I should have control over, some of it I have no control over.

I have no health insurance. Haven't had any for a number of years. It really stinks and this is probably one reason why I don't follow through with things, it's danged expensive. But now, I've put myself into a real predicament and will have to pay out even more money than I would have had I just bucked up and did what I was supposed to do to begin with. Yes, I'm very mad at myself for being such and idiot. I can come up with any excuse in the book but they don't fly....plain and simple....I brought myself to where I am now.

Once I get an appointment with the endrochrinologist, I will no longer be on oral meds for the diabetes. I WILL be on insulin. On the surface, insulin is more expensive than the oral meds that I can get for $4 at Wal-Mart. I know there is some insulin that is $4, but it's looking like that will not be the best insulin for me. We will see what happens at the appointment.

The oral meds have been raising cain with my digestive system. This may be TBI, but it makes me have to use the bathroom right after I eat and then some. It upsets my stomach to a painful place and makes me miserable. Could be another reason (excuse) why I haven't taken them the way I should be taking them. Not only that, but for some reason, I cannot seem to remember to take the meds 1/2 hour before I eat for 2 meals a day. I will remember after I eat that I have forgotten them once again. It's frustrating to no end and I guess I just gave up.

So, I had my bloodwork done and normal levels should be 6 and below. Mine was a whopping 11.6. With an average daily number of 299 for the blood glucose levels. Yes, I checked them ocassionally with my tester as well and could see how high they were. Sometimes in the 400's and 300's and 200's.

So the doctor asked me today if I was depressed and suicidal. I looked at her incredulously like....what?????? Of course I'm not. I don't feel depressed and I'm definitely NOT suicidal. She said... "well, you are choosing a slow death, that's why I asked". I had never looked at it that way. Now I'm really doing some soul searching and trying to figure out what my idiot problem really is. I know that's a good thing but geesh, that just whacked me upside the head!

Anyway, the plan is now for me to suck it up and go back on my oral meds until I see the endo and get on insulin. I'm not liking it, I hate it as a matter of fact, but I have to do it. I know I have to do it. I WILL do it but I won't stop whining about it.

I sure could use some support from you wonderful folks to keep me going in the right direction. And maybe some of the best support is to be brutally honest with me and kick my bum into action! Thanks for reading and for supporting me...........