We can help you, you've taken a very large step, but at the same time you are kind of sabotaging yourself to trip right away. You can't quantify yourself with a number (ie weight) and you can't eradicate your negative feelings with purging.

Personally I have found when I have worthless feelings and purge, that just makes me feel MORE worthless. Not exactly the way to a happy life.

Besides, how will you KNOW, deep down inside, that you are the fattest? You can't see us, hell, I'm eating a damn cookie right now and enjoying it.

(fyi, I'm a recovering bulimic, have been for years, I'm an inspiration in my own mind. I can help!)