Transference is really interesting to me, and I've been trying to figure it out for months, at least as it applies to me and my therapy. Now that it's actually happening to me, I think I'm starting to get it. At least, this is my two cents worth. FWIW - you get what you pay for, and this is free ...

Simply thinking your T is attractive (or not) isn't really transference. Transference is what happens when we unconsciously have feelings about someone that stems from our past experience and is not really based in reality.

Let's say a female patient had a very rejecting father (guess who ). When transference happens, she starts seeing all sorts of indications that the male T is rejecting her, when that's not the case at all. She has unconsciously transferred the expectation of rejection to the T. (And if someone doesn't catch on to what's happening, the T is doomed.) Simply put, she's not seeing things clearly, not seeing reality. She has emotional reactions to the T that are not based in reality, but were emotions toward the cold rejecting father.

This transference can occur with other males and create problems in relationships. The good thing about transference in therapy is that if you can recognize it, you can examine it and talk about it and see what you're doing. Then change can happen.

Anyway, this is my understanding as I live through this. The first session with my T I thought he was kinda cute, and that hasn't changed. That's not transference. All the emotional cr@p and the "you don't care about me" drama - ah, the joys of transference

Note - Transference didn't kick in until 5-6 months into therapy. Up until then, I saw him as he really is, with no real emotion toward him.