My H is also not a great natural comforter, but he makes up for it by being willing to listen to my feelings about his general deficiencies and he's willing to try to change.

But, I have to be very specific about what I want him to do. And very specific about asking for it. I think what I hear in your story is that he's not reading your mind and comforting you in the way that you want. And, yeah, the one time you tell him directly, you wake him up at 3am and ask him to make you soup? I wouldn't be so happy about it either, as soup at 3am hardly seems like a necessary activity. If you are feeling well enough to eat at 3am, I don't think you need someone else to heat up a can of soup for you. You may want someone to be there in this way for you, and that's okay, but I don't see how it was a need.

I would suggest, as others have, that you talk to him about feeling insignificant, and help him understand why you want him to be there in the ways that you want. Ask him if you can lean on him a little when you're sick. Then tell him specifically, at reasonable hours, what you'd like him to do.

Anne

Anne