newtus, do you have a therapist or someone to work with regarding your anxiety? It sounds like when you're not so anxious your performance improves a lot.

You seem to be riding yourself pretty hard about this. I find it next to impossible to concentrate when I'm anxious. I've been told that it can have a big effect on your performance. Your body is so busy taking care of other things, that I'm sure focusing on reading a book is the least of your mind's worries.

BTW I'm almost 40 and don't know what the eff to do. I don't think most people know by 21 either.

If you met someone going through a similar experience as you, what would you say to them?