Ok, so here is my issue.

About 2.5 years ago I found out that my husband whom was my fiance at the time cheated on me. Since then we have married and I haven't had any trouble with trusting him, which is hard to do since he works out of state and is only home for a few days a month at best. Lately I have been having anxiety about the issue and feeling that something just isn't right. On one of his trips home recently I decided to use his laptop to play some games and an instant message came up from a girl. I didn't respond to her but it made me curious of what he has been up to. I logged into his recent IM conversations and realized that he had been chatting it up with girls from online porn sites. The porn didn't bother me at the time, but what he said while IMing did. I explained to him that I seen the conversation and I knew that he was viewing online porn. I stated my concern about his statement and how he was also viewing porn at home while I was asleep in the other room. He promised to not IM the girls again. Since this I have now continued to log into his IM conversations while he is out of town working. I have not seen any more IMs to girls but I have checked out his emails and noticed that he has joined a tripple X sex site for dating purposes. This site asks you to put your status and what you are looking for. He states he is looking for a 1 on 1 for dating, sex, fetishes, all sorts of things and also has his marital status as I'll tell you later. So now here it is. He isn't doing the IMing from his normal IM email he is using their IM system to chat with nasty girls. I just don't know what to do. His actions are really bothersom. I have heard many times that a predictor of future behavior is past behavior. I just hope this isn't the case.
On top of him performing these acts, it seems as if he is attempting to accuse me of something. I made a statement to a friend about how it is like being a single mother with a perk of a pay check, this statement was made because the friend asked me how I do it all. After that statement was made he became aggrivated and accused me of living the single life when he wasn't home because I didn't answer my phone a couple of times when he called. Another incident happend just this past weekend. I had a birthday party for our daughter. He of course wasn't home because he has been working for the past month and a half. I told him that most of the parents dropped off their children and left but one guy stayed and helped me out with the hamburgers and hotdogs. My husband flipped out about another man cooking on his grill and how it was b.s. that I let a man in the house when I was there by myself. (I was only alone with this man for maybe 30-45 minutes before some family finally arrived and we were never alone, who is alone with 9 children running around? I am sick and tired of the accusations towards me when I do nothing at all. I am a stay at home mother of 3 kids, two of which go to school and the baby stays home with me. Why am I getting all the harsh treatment? What am I to do? I have a hard time with confronting him because I don't want to get him mad and end up in some huge fight. When I do bring up an iffy situation I always use a calm voice because I know if I don't I will have hell to pay. But he flys off the handle at me for no good reson. I have become obsested with this issue. I can't seem to fall asleep before 4 O'clock in the morning, then i'm dragging my butt all day because I haven't slept. Then of course I become crabby and take it out on the kids. I have become that mother that yells for no apparent reason. I am yelling at the wrong people obviously, they have done nothing to deserve being screamed at. I think I really need to speak to a therapist about this situation and others that I am dealing with. Sex has always been an issue for me because of my childhood and it is still haunting me today. I love my husband dearly and don't want sex to be an issue of infidelity. I do "give it up" when he is home but he's never home. I feel like he wants a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed and i'm just not that kind of person. I can take it or leave it, no big deal for me. I have told him I will work on being more sexual but it is difficult to do when I don't feel appreciated and I fell like I'm just a peice of meat that is here to serve him, cook, clean, take care of all of the household chores (even the manly ones), carry, birth, and raise the children, and then when all of thats over have sex.

I know this is alot to take in. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks bunches y'all
Shannon.