Rapunzel,

People can be truly bipolar without the stereotypical manic behaviors seen in some cases (like mine - bad voices, no no! ).

What you see in bipolars is mood cycling - crushing, horrid depression followed by, something different, and then something closer to "normal" and then back again. What you may have been experiencing is closer to what is called "mixed moods", which is linked to people getting involved in self destructive behaviors like SI, attempted suicide, etc. This is because you have both the symptoms of depression and mild mania at the same time - i.e., you wouldn't be exhibiting manic behavior per se, but you'd have a noticible spike in energy or motivation, but still the despair and sadness and emptiness of depression. Needless to say, this is a highly dangerous period to be in.

I agree with your pdoc that new meds are the way to go - you wouldn't need an antipsychotic like Zyprexa or Risperdal, but more likely than not a mood stabilizer such as Lamictal or Depakote - in addition to your AD.

Sometimes the mood swings are worse than the depression itself - it's so unpredictable and you can be feeling ok one minute and like total crap the next and then very "blah" and so on and so forth. The mood stabilizer would help get rid of all this swinging around and at least get you back on to a continuous spectrum. It's much easier to feel like you're making progress when you're not zipping all over the place but can see clear improvement from one day, week or month to the next.

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett