Like so many of the other folks commenting on this thread, I did OK at holding up the mask until I went to college (do you see a theme here?) Before then, it was all depression. I made suicide attempts that no one knew about. I did a lot of pretending to keep myself out of the hospital, because I was more terrified of being sent to psych inpatient than pretty much anything else. I was forced into therapy that I faked my way out of, because it wasn't my idea and I resented it and I just wasn't ready for it.

Then I went to college - everything fell apart. As if it hadn't already. I wasn't a big fish in a big pond anymore, I was just one more fish in a small pond. And it turned out, I wasn't a very big fish at all. I was a valedictorian (one of four in a class of 280) in high school, but ended up in the bottom half of my class for undergrad; I never failed a class, but I had never gotten a C before. Or a D, or a DE. (BTW, those grades didn't keep me out of an excellent grad school!) I don't even know if it was one long manic stretch, mixed episodes, or some extreme rapid cycling, but most of college was a haze. Some of it was wonderful, but a lot of it was very, very bad. I feel lucky that I made it out mostly intact.

Considering your age, 3 years seems like forever when you're 19. Just under 1/6 of your life. But as time goes on, you get more patient because the time really does seem to pass by faster. I hate to say it, but just wait until you can say that you've been struggling with these issues for 2/3 of your life, or more! Chances are good you will be doing better then, and feeling better about it as well. If nothing else, you will gain a lot more perspective on things - older and wiser, as they say. But it sounds like you've got your head screwed on straight already. You're clearly still ambitious, or you wouldn't be feeling bitter about it!

You are really fortunate to be in treatment already, and that your family is supportive and understanding. I wish that I hadn't been blown off when I went to the college counseling center at your age and asked if I might be bipolar. I wish I had been more of an advocate for myself, but I was too scared then (hearing voices will do that to you!) So I'm really glad for you that you're taking charge of your treatment and actively working on improving things for yourself. It will pay off, even if it takes awhile.

Take your time and be strategic in your educational choices - a few community college classes while you feel low might be a good way to go. But don't compromise on your long-term goals, just be smart about how you get there. For example, I'm doing a PhD and the expected next job for me is a faculty position (assistant professor.) Those are extremely demanding jobs; 80 hours a week is not atypical, and you work your @$$ off for 6 years before you get any chance at a raise or job security. When I first heard bipolar dx's earlier this year, I started adjusting my plans to give myself time to get things together before taking on a faculty job. So I'll do a 2-year postdoc in between, I won't have to move, and I can get my meds and therapy sorted out before I have to make another major transition. Plus the postdoc looks like it will be pretty awesome! Fortunately, I figured this stuff out in time to prevent taking on too much too quickly, because I think I'd be crushed into smithereens by a faculty job right now.

Anyway, that's a long way of saying, hang in there. A lot of us have been there, and are doing OK on the overall. I'm willing to bet that you will too. We're all here to listen whenever you need it.