I am not quite sure which is the appropriate board for this (meaning Relationships) - but anyway - this just happened.

For many many months I have been utterly mortified with the changes in my body. Both self-induced and thyroid/age induced. Anyway - it has become increasingly difficult for me to 'be me' with my husband. I find that I stay up late - so that he will go to sleep first, anything, just to avoid intimacy. And this is despite craving and needing and wanting intimacy more than anything.

I just hate my body and look at myself and find NOTHING desirable. NOTHING pretty. NOTHING remotely attractive. If I feel this and see this - how must he feel? (Bearing in mind that he has told me he does not like 'fat' women).

Anyway - it is a really long story, of years standing - but just a little while ago - he touched me and I cringed and backed away as usual. I could see the frustration in his eyes. He told me he has needs. I responded that needs are fine but what about desire - he said he desired me. I looked him in the eye and asked how? How could he possibly? He asked what I meant? I told him that I cannot find myself desirable ON ANY LEVEL, and knowing him the way I do, how could he? He looked at me and said "because I love you".

I am too emotional to say much more right now.