You are not alone, you have us. I hope you made it through that attack.

Aprehension, anxiety, feeling ashamed, they are normal with the first psychologist appointment (and sometimes afterwards) but let the person in, they can help!! But it doesnt' go away very quckly, things take time. Be patient.

Not feeling ready to change, That I understand way to well. I have been dealing with this for 6 years, and part of me still doesn't want to change. It is hard when you have those type feelings, but their are people that can help.

Are you seeing a therapist, or councelor?