I TOTALLY understand how you feel. I suffer from Lupus, RA and severe depression. I just want to stay in bed and for everyone to go away and leave me alone. My house too is a mess, I cannot deal with every day tasks such as simple as paying a bill or fixing dinner. I feel hopeless most of the time when I should be grateful for what I do have. I don't want to discuss my depression with my friends because most of them are "normal" and don't understand what it is really like. I have been on sooo many different antidepressants over the years I can never tell which one is working and which is not and I am not even sure what happiness feels like anyway....I feel like a total lost cause.