Hi Shannon,

That sounds like an awful situation to be trapped in.

If I may express a personal opinion, it sounds to me like your husband is going on the offensive, to keep you on the defensive so that you will not voice your concern about his activities. I have seen it many times, where someone who is sneaking around becomes aggressive to try and draw attention away from themselves.

I am very concerned about the effect this is having on you, and subsequently your children. If the stress and worry is keeping you up all hours of the night, and you are subsequently taking it out on the kids, then it needs to stop. I think that a therapist would be a great place to start, but easier said than done, right? If your husband is always away from home working, then who is going to look after the kids, etc.

You did say a couple of things that indicate there may either physical or emotional abuse involved. "Fly off the handle" and "hell to pay" are the two that stood out. If that is the case, then I would really urge you to seek help. Again, not just for yourself, but for your children as well.

Ultimately you have to ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who is looking for sex partners on a XXX dating site, who goes off on you to try and draw attention away from his own infidelity, and who is having this sort of affect on your family. Ask yourself, where do you see yourself and your kids in 10 years if this continues?