I think maybe...one time I was really depressed and I started to feel nothing, which sounds like an oxymoron, but it was true. I described it as me being able to sit there, and have someone trip and fall and break their head open in front of me and me not budge, look, or care. I was too 'far away'. It was horrible, I couldn't stand the nothingness, so I got up, went inside, and SI'd for the first time in about 7 months. Haven't done it since then (about 2 months) but I know what you mean b/c when I did it, I HAD to and while I felt it, I felt the pain but it wasn't pain. It I don't know...hopefully you understand what I'm saying.

Good luck to you and please try to take care of yourself and stay safe!