I'm in a similar position - in the midst of a major depressive episode - feels like everything is either falling apart or decaying. I feel like I'm missing some core part of myself, the part that wants to go on. I know the feeling of having a hole that seems to persist no matter what you throw into it.

My meds helped for a while, but now they're not helping any more - sorry I don't have any "magic bullet", but I'm down there with you.