Bee
It doesnt sound like your meds are working as effectively as they could be. My pdoc put me on haldol and it did the trick to stop the cycles completely. Before that I could totally identify with your state of mind. It is incredible the difference. I am now living in this state of limbo trying to figure out how to choose life and live joy after spending so many decades in hopelessness and pain. Its good that you have a pdoc that you believe in. Keep working with him and dont give up. it took over three years of experimenting to finally find the combo that worked for me. But it was worth it. Hang in there!