Happy cheeks
It seems like I have been following you around the board today posting and the theme is that you are in a place where you are very down on yourself, just stuck in a very bad,sad place. Is there anything you can do to practice some distraction for a while, pop in a video of a favorite comedy, go to a movie, call a friend and go out to dinner, arts and crafts project, read a book? something to get your mind focused in another direction for awhile?

I hope you get to feeling better soon.