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Originally Posted by OneDown
How many similar episodes has she had in the past? I'm in a similar boat as your fiance (though you seem to be doing a lot more to try to reach her than my wife has tried with me). I would suggest telling her what your limitations are regarding this other guy and what her actions could mean for the relationship - you need to set some boundaries on whats acceptable to you, and what actions on her part would be unforgivable.
Going through something similar, one of my friends pointed out it may be self-sabotage; a self-destruct mechanism designed to sever my remaining relationships so I could commit suicide with a clearer conscience. Has she given any inclination that she may be thinking something similar?
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By episodes you mean when she tried to hurt herself infront of me? Once, a few months ago when the condom split during sex. We rushed off to the clinic straight after and on the way there she was freaking out, trying to bite herself etc. Aside from that, andyesterday it's never happened. But this one seemed alot more severe. I had to physically restrain her despite her struggles to calm her down. Last time I did have to force her hands away from her mouth once or twice but apart from that it wasn't difficult at all. She's pretty strong so it wasn't easy to get hold of her.
As for any mention of suicide, she hasn't mentioned anything of the sort. I don't recall her ever threatening suicide to be honest. She's brought it up a few times, saying that it would be better if she wern't here, and similar things, but these have been more of a "Whats the point in life" series of discussions that are typical of any depression. The depressive phase has made her less talkative in general, but it seems it's had more of an effect on us than anything else, whereas any previous depression has caused her to shut up completely, wonder what the point of anything is, etc.
To be completely honest, I could understand to a certain degree her concerns about our relationship if they came from anyone else, however the fact it's gone from discussing moving in together, children etc, to wanting space in such a short space of time, makes me certain the depression is at least influencing how she feels. Plus if this were to happen when she wasn't depressed, she'd most likely bring up her concerns and we'd try and work them out. It wouldn't go straigh to 'I think we need space'
It's been made clear having space from one another isn't an excuse to start seeing other people for a short while, although I think it might be a good idea to bring it up again just to confirm it's understood from her point of view. Would it be too much to actually tell her i'd break up with her if anything happened? I don't want to put her under pressure but at the same time I dont want her to think that i'd completely forgive her for doing anything because she wasnt sure what she wanted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
Nick, if I were you, I would do 2 things - 1. move on from this chick 2. do something to learn teamwork, like take up some sport? THEN get back into the dating game. sincerely. best wishes.
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Any reason why I should do that? And what does teamwork or sport have to do with this? O.o