YES, for years (although I seem to be past it now *fingers crossed*)

For me, I would WANT so badly for him to love me, think well of me, be proud of me...and then the minute I started to believe he felt those things, I wanted to run (and run and run) as far away as I could.

So I would create a rupture (unconsciously) and we'd eventually repair it, and the cycle would start again. So frustrating, scary, exhausting, confusing...you name it.

It's taken time (a lot) but things are much calmer now. T can love me and be proud of me and I can just take it in and let it fill me up and feel safe and good. I really think the only way I got here was by going back over and over and over and over again no matter how scared or freaked out I was.

Therapy can really be one of the most confusing things in the world. Hang in there.