I had a weird thing happen this week. T keeps changing the time of my Thursday appt, the regularly scheduled time is 2:30, but sometimes he says to come in at 4 instead. I don't see the pattern. This week I even double-checked with him on Wednesday, and it was wrong! I was there for 15 minutes and the next client arrived, a child. T says, can you come back on Saturday, I say sure, no problem. He says, are you sure it's not too much trouble? I'm like, no, no. But I'm stewing.

If I hadn't had to leave the house on Thursday in the middle of the afternoon, I could have started a long chore. Instead, I waste an afternoon, then i'm standing freezing in an ice storm waiting for a bus, and i'm supposed to do this again on Saturday? What if he messes up the schedule again on Saturday, when my usual bus doesn't run, I have to walk farther AND ride farther, it's gonna take me an hour to travel a lousy 2 miles, I should probably take the earlier bus to make sure i'm not late, so make that 2 hours just to get there - a slug travels faster - ALL BECAUSE I thought HE was the authority on when my appointments are, and what I do.

I finally realized I really did not want to, could not afford to, spend my Saturday afternoon like that. There will be other sessions. I really did not mind the little girl taking the hour, I had already seen him Monday and Wednesday. And one other time he double booked me, he sent the other people away, and that taught me a lot. But we just played it like it was the end of my session. BUT - just before I decided to cancel Saturday (walking home from the bus now!), I was moaning to myself, T hates me, that's why he keeps messing up my appointments, he doesn't want to see me anymore, i'm a fool and an idiot. Then I thought, sheesh, I sound like everybody else on PC now! What do I tell THEM when this happens, it's transference, that's your mother, not how your T feels about you. So i'm in the house now, I call him, he answers, I say I don't want to come in saturday after all. He says okay... sounding so SWEETLY concerned and gentle, he says, can you tell me now why you changed your mind, or do you want to wait till next time to tell me? So I tell him about the long bus. He apologizes again for the mixup, and i'm like really, no problem. And then we chitchat a little more, I think he just wants to make sure i'm really okay, which, thanks mostly to PC, I am.

And actually, the bus ride IN on thursday was the best bus ride of my life. it was a little crowded, with a good mix of young and old and races in the middle of the bus, and actually we were talking about Ygrec! because the next town over starts with the letter Y, and we were wondering if the name was of French or Native American origin, as most locales here are - well, I had my dumbphone in hand, looked it up -- the town founder WAS GREEK - thence the ee-grec? So take THAT, 4G! Yeah, doesn't take much to amuse me.