Hey, onedown, sorry to hear how much you're struggling with right now. Do you think maybe you're trying to take on too many things at once?

I know it would be nice to have your wife's support, but what's urgent now is the depression. Who knows, maybe what she does to you is what was considered support in her house. You didn't mention ever meeting her mother--so maybe your wife is working from a base of fear & ignorance.

But now, with you in a depression so deep that you're making plans to end it all, now isn't the time to get your wife into therapy with you. That needs to happen when you're in a relatively good phase again.

So what do you think? Would you be willing to keep it simple, not let yourself get so overwhelmed by how much seems to be going wrong (because it's all sorta connected), and for now just focus on the depression?

I hope you'll print out your first post in this thread and read it to you therapist &/or pdoc. I think they need to realize how many different issues you are wrestling with now.

If you can afford it, you might consider suggesting that your wife go visit friends for a month or two while you deal with this. A little separation might be good for both of you--but (*!disclaimer!* discuss this idea with your T first.