Dear Calista + 12,
I'm bipolar & until recently have stayed pretty much in that forum. Lately I've been roaming, though, & am getting to know some of your story from the posts. Your friends obviously care a lot about you & give you good advice. I've never though I had anything worth adding. But now maybe I do, just a little bit.

You say you have to maintain contact with your family if you want to see your children. You also describe what being with your family does to you--you are dismissed and ridiculed, leaving you worse off than before.

Now consider your visits from your children's points of view. Each time you come, you're worse than you were before. You are diminishing before their eyes. What do they make of that? Maybe they think you don't really want to be there.

I'm speculating, except about your diminishing in their eyes.

Sannah's comment is true. Maybe, just maybe, it would be better for you & your children if you didn't go to see them for a while.

Yes, I know--impossible. But think of it from their side. Wouldn't it be better for you to take some time to work on you? Maybe work with a T on all these negatives your family throws at you. Let your children see a healthier you.

Sorry to run on so long. My family was a lot like yours. I say "was" because I disowned them after my mom died & they said or hinted that I was responsible because I'd moved so far away. Two people even mentioned it at her memorial!