I relate to everything you are saying. You are not alone in the way you feel. Many people are feeling the exact same way and I am one of them too. I know how much it hurts to go through every minute in emotional pain. I know how frightening it is to feel so bad and to be so afraid of living and also afraid of dying. The only thing I can say is that you can talk about it here..... It is said that talking about your feelings helps. It is said that it will get better if you can just hold out another day......... another hour, another 15 minutes..........We only have one life that we KNOW about and so some say we might as well LIVE and experience whatever we experience because the alternative is nothingness.......That is a hard concept to wrap your brain around and it is a hard concept for me to wrap my brain around BUT it DOES seem like the only RATIONAL idea I have heard so far. That we are only here for a short time and whatever we experience we might as well go through it and feel it and live it and hopefully come THROUGH it to a better place and then we can hopefully HELP someone else deal with the same problem........ I know how you feel and I know you are afraid. I really know and feel what you are feeling..........I feel it too.