Do you do this too?

A few months ago I was invited to a womens social dinner.
A few months ago I said "Yes sounds great".
No it dosent, it sounds horrid!
Why did I do that?!

So now that day has arrived and there is nothing that I can think of that motivates me to go. Of course it would mean a success.

But i do not want to be there, period.
My anxiety about this has been building all week and I didnt get out of bed till 2pm, trying to pretend it would go away
My desire to self harm has rocketed too.

Is it really worth pushing myself like this?

Any advice/tips/solutions/excuses lol would be so much appreciated.

Clare x